Crime Seen

Page Me

To keep on top of my record of 'visual psalms' - I'm aware I have pages that need to be uploaded here. 

This was done on the 28th/29th of May - after a walk along the seafront - aware of being stalked, as usual, Aware of the 'harassment skits' as I stopped to talk to a friend I hadn't seen in a long, long time. 

I'm guessing they have no real idea of how it feels on the inside to be subjected to these little 'games' - I'd like t think they'd be mortified if they knew; though for some I'm intuiting they feed on the horror I feel and must surely broadcast palpably. 

I refused to go out for quite some time after this; shutting off my phones; unplugging; unable to use my computer or keep up my Facebook project. Very down and feeling utterly helpless & powerless, which is, I suppose the object. 

How can anyone survive such a long-term, ongoing onslaught? Prayer; my Bible; good friends, and these precious little pages that allow me to express and find a way of coming to terms with what I have had to suffer. 

Days are roller-coaster; a night of anguished replays and fretfulness can lead to waking in perfect peace - almost like sweating out a fever - allowing it to break. 

I'm so grateful to these little art outlets - a technique that has stood me in good stead for many years, but which became dormant throughout the stalking ordeal - perhaps too traumatized to be able to begin to come to terms with what was happening to me; I so very much didn't want to accept it was true. 

Amazed to come to this, last night:

A Little Book: A Little Comfort

I have had a little hardboard Book of 'Pooh's Friends' that I have wanted to do something with for the longest time! But always say: 'Things find their right time' - and so, a couple of weeks ago, over a period of a few days, i worked on a double page spread each day, and the 2 covers: back & front. 

I worked quickly and intuitively, trying as much as possible to stay out of the way of the process. often watching a video on You Tube as I worked; tearing scraps of paper from little art catalogues or magazines. 

The little book features only a few words on each page. This double spread was the 1st page I worked on - the text was very easily accessed - it was so - There! This was relatively un-worked - uncomplicated. It was a great start to the project and spurred me on. 

Likewise the following page - The words came easily, and said all my soul needed to express. After I scanned the image, I saw patches of colour that need reworking - it's funny how the scanned images can show when something is not quite right or finished. A little annoying(!) but all part of the process. I was happier for going back in to improve on the artwork. 

I love the figure in the centre of the 2nd page; she looks as though she has bowed her head in prayer - the perfect way to find a solution when asking: What shall I do? 

When the words on the page seemed entirely irrelevant to me - the challenge was to find meaning - to seek for it - make it. The commitment to do that sometimes meant it took a few days to hit upon the right words - the 'Open Sesame' of personal meaning & resonance. 

I can see now, the  collage above provides the answer to the question from previous page. It also echoes the needle-crafts I often spend my evenings doing, whilst contemplating the same question! 

This final double page spread took days to begin & complete - I was almost defeated by not quite being able to find the right words, but knew I'd find something eventually, if I tried hard enough.

It incorporates how I begin each day with my pen - doing 'morning pages' - thanks to following the directive in Julia Cameron's: The Artist's Way.

Job done! Phew! Pleased with my completed little book; a joy to work on, and an interesting journey. This was another occasion when I went back to the page after seeing the scanned image - it needed a little refining. Working so small was also a bit of a challenge - the torn pieces of paper I was working with got smaller and smaller, making it quite difficult to handle, but my hands always knew whereto place the little scrap of colour. 

I marvel at the process; watching as my hands get on with the work, feeling like a willing, and admiring assistant.